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          作家班 等你來為中華少年作家代言
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          樊發稼點評張牧笛《我打開春天的窗》
          2015年3月8日 ? admin ? 評論數 0+ ? 已影響 +

          【題目】《我打開春天的窗》
            【作者】張牧笛
            【學校】中央戲劇學院戲劇文學系
            【指導老師】一鳴
            【正文】
            我打開春天的窗
            牽牛花吹著喇叭來了
            蝸牛背著房子來了
            小草牽著綠色來了
            
            世界為誰而笑
            大街上,許多只清新的耳朵在行走
            太陽活蹦亂跳
            像孩子手中紅色的氣球
            
            我打開春天的窗
            一股暖流與我握手
            春在蕩漾,我們的目光對接
            南方的鳥群回來得不露聲色
            
            我打開春天的窗,就像
            打開我的思想,呼吸和言語
            解凍的冰凌倒掛在我的窗檐
            滴滴答答,那是一種聲音的光芒
            
            【點評】
            一個不懂詩的人說:聽了你的講解,覺得這是首好詩。
            你說它有多了不起亦非是,但憑心而論,確是一首多少有點“顛覆”傳統欣賞趣味的優秀詩作。
            第一節后三行什么什么來了,是說詩人的感覺,這是一首少年詩乃至青年詩,絕非幼兒詩。再說,詩作為一種藝術,它不是科普,不是自然教科書。
            第二節劈頭“世界為誰而笑”,有人以為突兀,其實也是寫詩人的一種感覺和想象。請注意“笑”這個字的含義。你難道看不出藏在這字后面的喜悅嗎?那是不問之問。詩思可以自由跳躍,做詩的人都懂的。
            再就是耳朵咋可“清新”?那是通感手法。在詩人想象中,太陽活蹦亂跳,那也無非是渲染一種人人手舞足蹈開心迎春的歡樂興奮,豈有他哉。昔時鐵人“石油工人一聲吼,地球也要抖三抖”,何等博大氣概,沒聽說有人抗議王進喜制造地震大災難。既然春之“暖流”擬人化了,與之握手就毫不奇怪。
            了解我的友人,均曉得我對詩的形式的看法。牧笛此詩,大體一節押一個腳韻,甚愜我意。第四節第二行“思想”移于句末其實很容易。
            (來源:中華少年作家網/作者:張牧笛)

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